uncover

I've always had this 'dream'/wish that I could've been an explorer.  Go back to the time when there were no maps, expectations of the terrain ahead ... be the first person to ever step foot on that soil.  Every time we head up to the mountains and find an area that is "seemingly untouched", I ask Matt, "Do you think some has walked here before?  Or could I really be the first??!!".  We both know the obvious answer to that question, but I am always hopeful at the slightest chance(!).

"Generations come and generations go, 

   but the earth remains forever. 
The sun rises and the sun sets,  
   and hurries back to where it rises.
The wind blows to the south  
   and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,  
   ever returning on its course. 

All streams flow into the sea,  
   yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,  
   there they return again.
All things are wearisome,  
   more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,  
   nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again,  
  what has been done will be done again;  
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,  
   “Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;  
   it was here before our time."

Ecclesiastes 1:4-10

As we've all heard before, "nothing is new under the sun".  Even though there's something so rapturing and exciting about discovering something no one has before, the ironic thing about an expedition like Lewis & Clark's, is that they weren't even the first to see what they saw ... they were the first to document and uncover it.


I feel sometimes, even the landscapes and explorations in my own life have been pre-felt and pre-experienced - either by me, or just a mirror image of what someone else has gone through before.  Though it's true (to an extent), it's usually in those blankets of time that I get overly discouraged and uninspired because I am not seeking to uncover and document the revelation(s) in my own journey.  I shrink away from being thankful, I silence the beauties shown to me daily, I hide in my own sorrows, I quiet the confessions that need to be shared...  


Though, essentially, there is nothing new under the sun, there are parts of me that need to be uncovered, exposed, and shared ... otherwise, I will never live in the beautiful discovery of my own life's exploration.  And that, my friends, is not how I want to live life!


I want to be open, revealing, honest ... uncovering the "new soils" in my life with joy, excitement, and purpose.  Maybe others have lived through it and 'been there, done that', but this journey is mine to adventure and presently explore.  There ARE new things under the sun ... the aspects of me that aren't uncovered!  


Will you uncover yourself today?!

pic pix: on a k-country walk with my bro; Kananaskis, Alberta, Jan.22.2011

where have i been?! and other random news...

Hello, little blog ... and hello, friends who happen to read my little blog!

Life has been so surprising, changing, unfathomable, and exciting lately.  Over the past four months, I feel like I've been watching someone else's life unfold, but have felt all of "their" emotions.  You see ... Matt and I found out that we are going to be parents come May 25, 2012!!

the day after we found out!

Yes!  This girl, who is continually seeking to find the object to view, learn from, and admire everyday is now gonna be a mama!  It hasn't felt real (okay, maybe being really sick and drop-dead tired) until recently when I actually heard the baby's heartbeat.  Now it's confirmed...I know I'm not just getting fat!!  It's been tough to adjust to a "me" that is different~not able to stay up as late, my energy is just not there, not feeling in control of what immediate goals we are working towards, etc~but I know in the end, this'll all be so worth it. 

So pretty much, in a nutshell...along with learning how to be pregnant (my own hormones that I've never met before!), and still shaping into what my role as a wife is, I've been working, finished up my plant class (a pre-course for the landscape architectural certificate I WAS planning to work on this winter), have gotten sick way more than I ever thought I would (morning sickness has taken its toll on me) and I'm still trying to find ways to outlet my creativity.  

Though, I haven't been blogging myself ... I've been reading through the blogs I follow every day, hoping that one day (yes, I am being a bit dramatic!) I will have the energy to at least once again, write a post!  **note: I even started voice recording my blog posts, so that I could get my thoughts out somehow!!**  I'm thankful that November was a month focused on being grateful...with American Thanksgiving and all.  Calista, Allison, and Fawne ... all wrote posts to keep me thankful.  Other blogs kept me reading for different reasons: Daily, Jo keeps me wanting to nest and shop.  Poppytalk inspires me to start projects and have an ultimate diy-christmas this year (watch for coming post!).  Cori makes me want to sharpen my photography skills.  Even though Baby Mine will no longer be kept current, they share some good ideas for baby items/advise and have some cute pictures documenting their baby's monthly growth.  Shelly's trip to Zambia served as a flash of adventure just reading about it.  Dear Baby began to open my eyes to different perspective of motherhood (I've got lots to learn!). Tereasa has the coolest methodology when it comes to treasure searching - found, free and flea!  So many great words and images that have blessed/encouraged/inspired me lately.  Now to get back on it myself!

And just for the sake up trying to 'catch-up', here are a the random updates of some other things that have happening these past few months...

We've been able to have some fun family times together.  My cousin got married in Ontario at the beginning of October, so all of my immediate family went there for the weekend.  We announced the baby news to them then.

cookies I baked to break the news to my family... all with the 'appropriate' name of course

my immediate family in Sturgeon Falls, Ontario)

had my 6th annual 'family' thanksgiving dinner with close friends ... ended up with a very blurry shot!

Hosted a bachelorette party for my girlfriend's wedding (that took place 11.11.11) ... so wish I could have been there...

you can see some of her wedding details/pictures here

Was able to get out for a "shoot" with my sister-in-law and her family for some fun Christmas photos.  They are all so photogenic ... and energetic!

Now with all of that said...I hope to be back soon to share some more!!

put it away.02

As proven in my last "accidental" post ... my habit of not "putting away" persists!  The other night, I left my "put it away" post open on my computer before I went to bed.  The next evening, my husband mentioned that he had read my recent post, and I was like, "What new post?".  We figured that he had read it from my "drafts" folder in Blogger earlier that the morning from my laptop.  But apparently, as my sister-in-law pointed out today ... unknowingly, the post got published!!  Without me having the slightest clue!  Not sure if it was me or my husband who incidentally published it(!) ... either way, it brought laughs on this end, because it very well exhibited how things can get kooky when not put away properly!

To continue my thoughts from the previous post ....

The more I have been thinking about "putting away" (time, things, etc...), it has dawned on me that that is exactly how I approach the idea of forgiving myself.  If I don't accomplish something the way it has played out in my mind and if I haven't reached all that I intended to do, instead of letting it go and putting away my disappointments, I become harder on myself and set higher expectations than initially.  Mainly, just so that I can make up for it.  It almost seems like I have to prove to myself  that I am capable of doing that which I originally envisioned before I can let it go and put that task to rest.

Just like my clean dishes are waiting right now to get put away, it's time I put away these essentially, self-created burdens, and start living with a clean, new to-do list and set of expectations daily.  Forgiving myself is hard to do.  Yes, even the small stuff can make me sweat.  But today, accepting my weaknesses will not put it off a day longer...but will be put it away.

How do you deal with this in your day-to-day?

pic pix: taking time for us, Highway 40, Kananaskis, Alberta, 18.Sept.2011

put it away.01

Usually, my lack of writing has been a result of "unfound inspiration" or lack of time ... lately, it has definitely been the latter.  How people manage to work full-time, be a good wife, be a good mom, be healthy (mentally and physically), enjoy the mountains, have a social life, still be a nice (not grouchy) person, AND blog?!  You people amaze me!!  Even during the days of our engagement, I had all of these plans to blog my wedding ideas and plans,  post pictures, etc. etc.  As you rightly saw, that never happened!  To those of you that do and have ... wow!

More and more lately, I've been sensing the urgency to "put time away".  Time to spend with my husband, MYSELF, friends...God.  Literally, the minutes tick away so quickly, and it's easy to just set things aside and not do them.  Because something in the moment comes up, I drop those "need-time-for" things and it gets put off for a while.

One of my worst habits is not putting things away (ironic?).  I don't mind putting dirty dishes into the dishwasher, but to put away the clean ones?  Eep!  Folding laundry...I actually love folding laundry.  There's something so "feel-good" about getting the creases to fold just right.   But to put those folded clothes away?!  Last night, I parked all of my folded clothes in the dresser that had been sitting in the basket for over a week.  How is this possible?!

The more I have been thinking about "putting away" (time, things, etc...), it has dawned on me that that is how I deal with forgiving myself.  What really is happening, is that I am not accepting t

what door?

A few years back, I went on an Ontario "Family & Friends" visit.  Pretty much, everyone that I knew in Ontario, I visited over the course of 14 days.  Pretty packed as I spent time with every person (!) but pretty awesome as I was able to go from T.O. to Ottawa to Missasauga to Hamilton to North Bay and Sturgeon Falls...

One day that I was in Hamilton, while my Aunt and Uncle were at work, I got up to some serious people-watching (guilty!) and curious wandering about.  I thought I had covered major distances until I plotted it on the map.  When you look on a map to see how far you have walked, it can be discouraging after walking for nearly 9 hours straight and only covering the distance of a few inches!  It was just on the fringe of fall and there were so many colors and old, interesting things to photograph on that sunny day.  I kept noticing a trend of aged houses that had their front doors painted differently than the next.  It wasn't until I was almost half-way through my trek that I started to photograph them...

Currently, there are some significant changes on the horizon for my work ... altering ideas exist,  but no actions have yet taken place.  My role will be changing again and certain dynamics of the company will be formulating from our big meeting this Thursday.  I am excited of the potential that this position holds, but I am also fighting inner "creative" concerns.  Although it can be exciting and new, am I limiting myself to not thinking past this one opportunity?  Am I really working towards my goals, my path, my direction?  

Right now, I am more than blessed to have this job and am so thankful for all that I have learned within it.  But, it's like I've reached the point of, "With the skills that I have and am interested in attaining, this may be as far as I can go here."  I feel it very difficult for me to see outside of the "building" and perimeters that I have put up for myself creatively and industrially during my day to day life ... it's like an entrapment and dissatisfaction of my own doing.

While skimming through old photos and trips previously taken, when I again saw these snapped doors, I thought to myself, "If only these were opportunities.  Colorful, whimsical, classy, stylish, yuppy, and trendy...what if I had the choice to walk through the one I felt like, when I felt like it?".  That's when it hit me...there can be no doors that bound me to stay inside and no doors that will lock me out of entering!  EVERY day, I have been given the choice (by privilege and freewill) to select the door of my choosing.

In a previous post, I talked about how there are opportunities waiting to be had ... right in front of us.  As long as we have our eyes ready to see these portals, I believe God will reveal them to us.  Visually, these doors remind me that I need to take a walk to look outside my own agenda and invite the adventure in and just not day-dream about it.  There is so much out there waiting to be discovered that I need to capture, analyze, and appreciate before I settle on a specific doorframe.

If or when you think that you are trapped within a certain perspective, rut, job, or attitude, seriously, just take a look around you.  Opportunity is not limited to one entrance, with a certain style or framework...

What door do you walk through today?  What door(s) exist around you?

tiny blues and links

tiny blues and links

Though, I haven't had time for my own writings (the second meaning to tiny blues!) ... here are some "objects of today" that have at least kept me reading, absorbing, and feeling challenged this week.

I like how the girl at ThisCabinLife wants to live simply ... this post she mentions how she wants to blog with humility.  Good reminder when we are sharing words to the world. (thanks for the link Calista!)

Over at the Anchor and the Bird, CC (a girl, as she so puts it, with "split personalities"!) is working on a project to do a kind deed every day and blog about it.  Look how long her hair WAS!!  She's inspired me to look for new openings to in turn be blessed from.

I really like the colors and perspective this photographer shares.  Especially the macro section.

My sister talked about being positive the other day ... thanks for the honesty and reminder to do the same, mi German(!) xo

Out of the Ordinary Dreamer seems to put words out there that my mind can flow with, "...it’s been rumbling in my heart brain..." as she shares what she is learning, seeing, and feeling.

pic pix: tiny mountain blues, Upper Spray Lakes, Canmore AB, Jul.2010

the (more than) happy hat

The other day I wore a hat ... a new hat, at that.  I am a "hat person" by nature, and love wearing them as much as I love buying them!  Even while we were at Lollapalooza last weekend (awesome!!  post coming soon!), I could not believe the amount of hats that I saw on guys and girls alike ... it was almost like looking back on the '20s (tidbit: Wall Street Journal did a piece last year about what they thought about this generation wearing hats)!  But, as present as ever, when I wore my hat just the other day, I seemed to attract a seemingly large amount attention and got a stockpile of comments just for wearing it!

It is from the men's section...but how were those onlookers supposed to know that?!  Normally, I try to smile at people when I make eye contact with them, but that day, I felt like I was smiling non-stop!  In a funny way, them seeing the hat either made them feel comfortable to talk to me or something...conversation starter, perhaps?  Whatever it was, it drew my attention to how people come to view or perceive me in a day by what I "put on".

Obviously, I'm not suggesting that you have to wear a hat to give others a good impression of yourself!  The hat only sits on the brim of it(!).  Digging deeper, I as myself, "what does everyone receive from me?  If it be a second or an hour encounter..."  You can be smiling and wearing a hat, but that means nothing when your heart is not ready to love or when it's not at peace.

In Ephesians 6, the apostle Paul warns us that everything we face here on earth is a battle, not between man to man, but against an enemy and his accomplices in the spiritual realm.  Though, usually, our outer selves represent the state of our hearts, it goes much farther than how we look outwardly.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.  For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.  Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.  Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.  For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.  In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.  Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6:10-17

  
I encourage you, and myself, to put on your armor today.  Be confident as you walk in the protection, love, and grace of God and be ready to share why your countenance is sweet, full, and sure.

And...if you wear a cool hat, bonus!

pic pix: the happy hat, Calgary, AB Aug.2011

...reaches to the clouds

I will thank you, Lord, among all the people.  I will sing your praises among the nations.  
For your unfailing love is higher than the heavens.  Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens.
May your glory shine over all the earth.

Psalm 108:3-5

pic pix: yesterday morning's sky, Calgary, AB, 08.Aug.2011

the secret's out!

I let the surprise out!!  We are off to see ColdPlay at Lollapalooza in Chicago ... TONIGHT!!!  SO excited ... I could barely sleep last night!  We are just heading on the plane very soon from the good 'ol YYC.  I'm so glad Matt's pumped to go too (though I never seriously doubted, but maybe just a little!).

pic pix: me and my cousin excited at the YYZ airport, Sept.2009

s'more of the simplicity...

What a great long weekend camping in Kananaskis - Blue Rock Campground (can't believe that it's already "last weekend"!).  Away from it all...phones, internet, work, busyness.  How is it that not showering, sleeping on the ground, and making food over an open fire makes you never want to leave the mere simplicity of it?  It's when I break it down that I ask myself,"Why is it so appealing?!"

It comes down to getting back to the basics, the rawness, the foundation of who we are created to be.  Jesus even reminds us to:  

 

 Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  

Matt 7:5-23-25

It seems way too easy, to just listen and follow ... to become strong and confident on solid ground.  Have you simply listened or obeyed today?  Today, do you abandon your complicated reasonings and seek to know Him and find His unvarnished strength and wisdom? 


Here are a few simple moments captured from this weekend:

pic pix: simple camping fun, Blue Rock Campground, Sheep River Provincial Park, AB Aug.2011

shhhhh...

A couple weeks ago, I told Matt that I had a surprise for him but he wouldn't be able to know what it is for a month.  Do you know how difficult it has been to keep this in?!?!  Aye!  It doesn't matter what we are talking about, I am literally on the verge of spilling the beans!  When he leaves the room, or is gone from the vicinity, I quickly fill in anyone around me to be a part of this little secret.  I hope he has no idea what it is ... because, it wouldn't be as fun if he just found out.  I'm glad I put a time limit on it (which could be anytime within this month!), otherwise, I might not be able to keep it in.  I am so tempted to write it here ... but do not want to chance it IF he happens to read this.  Gah!!!

Yet, on the flip side, it is SO hard to be excited about something without sharing it with him.  I can't think of anything (besides other surprises for him) that I don't share or communicate.  Actually, I probably relay a little too much sometimes!  It's an amazing thing to be able to say that I get to share this life - my thoughts, emotions, dreams, aspirations, fears, songs, etc - with him.  What a treat, what a delight ... what a blessed woman am I.    

But for the moment, I am going to keep this secret hush-hush for a little while longer ...


pic pix: some "surprises" we found in the Pacific Ocean while snorkeling on our honeymoon, Manzanillo, Mexico, 

teacup bathing + camping

I was introduced to this obsession of outdoor waterholes from a blogger friend's posts at August and After.  If it be hot or cold, she's seemed to search out the best options.  How AWESOME would it be to bath outside, in a giant teacup, with the smell of a woodstove right beside you?!!  I am now officially part of the outdoor waterhole club...thanks Cori :)

We are going camping this weekend....though a Dutchtub would be perfect to bring along, we will manage just fine (sigh!) without.  Friends are coming along.  The weather is supposed to be beautifully warm.  Yummy snacks and lazy afternoons.  Ahhh, yes, 3 FULL days without work!  Friday, why haven't you come yet...

Camping always rejuvenates something inside of me.  Maybe it's the close proximity to something raw, or the untouched beauty that surrounds me that makes me enjoy it and look forward to it so much.  Just 2 more sleeps then I'll be sleeping under the stars!

pic pix: Dutchtub's 4 person model - how I covet thee!

is it enough?

A few months ago, we went down to Montana for a quick get-away.  Very fun, beautiful, relaxing, fulfilling (shopping and all!).  While we were down there, we saw this old Ford F-700 that I VERY much liked.  Ever since we laid eyes on it, I've been trying to think of creative ways we could justify buying it...business ideas, to everyday usage (ha!)...suggestions anyone?!

Not just about this truck, but with other "things".  We have these perpetual thoughts, "If we had/knew this...", "If we could just...", and we continually look for what is about to happen.  Don't get me wrong, dreaming is what sometimes keeps me sane, but yearning to be anywhere but the present is what merits a negative perspective on life.  And really, it's not a  new message.  I've heard it from so many different sources said in so many different ways... "Carpe Diem-Sieze the Day", "Live now...", "The present is a gift", etc, etc, etc.  So, why/how do we always get back to the cycle of thinking if  (1) we know the answers or (2) have at least gotten these empathetic phrases from past thinkers who have contemplated these very same things?

Maybe I'm digging a whole lot deeper and going on a curved tangent from the simple dream of wanting to own this truck, but it has really got me thinking about what I REALLY want.  Where I want to see my life.  How I should be spending my time now.  Am I living freely...satisfied...bound to my Savior's grace?

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.  Ecclesiastes 3:12-14 

As a heart-cry, I ask God to continually remind me of all that He has done for me ... sending us His Son Jesus, His Spirit as our Comforter, giving us grace so freely, all so that I will not be in want.

All so that I may be satisfied in knowing Him and wanting nothing more than to learn more of who He is.


pic pix: FORD F700, Whitefish, MT, April.2011

it "works"

Years ago, my Mom gave me some useful advise that I've used for nearly EVERYTHING!  When it comes to shopping or designing, I've heard her voice in my head, countless times quoting the same few words.  I've even repeated her advice back to her when she's asked the questions, "Does this suit me?", "Will this go with my style?!".  Her wisdom ...

As long as you love it, it's going to work.   

A simple logic and great reminder for me never to get away from the basics of who I am or what I see beauty in.  Maybe the first time she spoke the words, she didn't intend for me to take it to heart in ALL areas of my creative perspectives ... but I have.

Again, as any time I think deeply about inspiration, creation, or beauty my thoughts are turned to our Creator, God.  My God loves everything that is in existence around us, regardless of it's flaws, nics, or scratches.  And somehow, and in someway, if you take a look around, all that has been created just seems to "work" together.

There is not one shade of green that is exactly the same if you look at a mountainside pixeled with trees.  The fact that combinations of different instruments can make many stylings of music that soothe and sing to us.  When words and textures that have never been integrated together are mixed and produced, some label the phenomenon as "original" with an instantaneous appreciation.  An instance where two opposite personalities attract, that make for a successful marriage...wonderful parents...

How does it all work together when it's not perfect or matching?  Simply ... because of His love for us.

    pic pix: 2 of my favorite things - peonies & paper - that "work"!  Jun.2011

his image.wonderful

wonderful : full of wonder
inspiring delight : delightful inspiration

Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty.
His righteousness never fails.
He causes us to remember his wonderful works.
How gracious and merciful is our Lord!
Psalm 111:3-4

 

 pic pix: colorful, intricate bark, Whitefish, Montana, April.2011

run hard

There are clubs you can't belong to
Neighborhoods you can't live in
Schools you can't get in to
But the roads are always open.
Just do it.

This is a Nike poster I've been holding onto for years.  I took it off the wall after it had ripped and was looking rather tattered (even after taping it over and over!) … but still, have not been able to throw it away.  I got it from a flea market when I was 9 years old.  Definitely the era when I "had" to have posters up on my wall.  At that point, I thought I was going to make it to the Olympics as a 100m runner.  A-N-Y-thing, may I repeat, A-N-Y-thing to do with running … I was drawn to.  Funny, now I try to picture a 9 year old having the desire to be a runner, and cannot imagine how obsessed I must have seemed! 

Now, facing realities, I find that too often I put limitations on myself for what I CAN actually do. Somewhat like what that prose talks about "...clubs you can't belong to ... schools you can't get in to ...".  No, I will never be an Olympic short distance sprinter (surprise Sarah!), but who says I can't run?!  And run hard as if I were?!  Even the Bible talks about giving running in our race of faith, not expecting to win, but running as if you would anyway ... with your ALL!

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? 

Run in such a way as to get the prize. 

1 Corinthians 9:24

Today, I will take on the day ... grabbing hold of the desires that have been placed in me.  Being obedient to that which I know God has given me a heart to do.  Why wait any longer?!

The roads are always open.


pic pix:  my favorite poster, Jun.2011

his image.awesome

 

Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.
      He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation,
 for through him God created everything
      in the heavenly realms and on earth.
   He made the things we can see
      and the things we can’t see—
   such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.
      Everything was created through him and for him.

Colossians 1:15-16

pic pix: above Spray Lakes, Canmore, Alberta, Jul.2010

his image.joy

 

 This day was THE happiest day of my life!!  There was so much promise fulfilled 

as God shared His pure JOY with us ...

pic pix:  picture courtesy of Perspective Eye Photography - "our happy day" - see some more of our wedding pictures here, 19.Feb.2011

his image.love

The book I was looking at had pages filled with images taken from the HubbleSite...a fascinating space telescope.  Picture after picture, the stars, planets, and funny-formed gases held new wonder and intrigue.  As a coffee table book, there were captions and quotes that expressed, awed at, and pointed to the amazing creation within.  Flipping through the pages, I couldn't help but be drawn to the question this verse asked:

With whom then, will you compare God?  To what image will you liken Him?
Isaiah 40:18

 

I am all about documenting the moment.  Usually, I remember special moments with the perspective I had when capturing the image.  Even for our wedding, I had to really study the photographer's viewpoint before it felt like the event really took place(!).  Images speak to me, teach me, and help me remember.  But when I ask myself about the Creator of it all ... how can an image(s) begin to render the Great YAHWEH?  The One who brings into existence whatever exists.  What do YOU liken Him to?

 

 Beginning with this image, starts a series of depictions that remind me of special moments when God has revealed a side of Himself to me. 

pic pix: God's pure love...for everyone, Llano Bonito, Panama, Feb.09
 

inspire

It's been hard to be creative lately. From writing here or my journal, playing or composing music, or just having the 'oomph' to start a project ... it's been hard. I've felt a lack of inspiration...

to {inspire}: fill (someone) with the urge or ability to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative; breathe or blow into [impart a truth or idea to someone].

When I compared the "state" of my inspiration before to now, I realized I couldn't find an excuse as to why I was not receiving inspiration with my surroundings, gratitudes, and love. Sure, I will face times where I will be in a slump and not as riveting, but right now, things are fun, fresh, exciting and new. So, why is it that I cannot find that urge or ability to do or feel something creative? It's my 'fuel', is what ... HOW I am fulfilled ... satisfied.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

And his wonderful deeds for mankind,

For he satisfies the thirsty

And fills the hungry with good things.

Psalm 107:8-9

Much like this bamboo, I'm in a time of seeing variations of myself ... some yellow, fresh green, dried up and peel-able... Parts of me that I have brushed to the side, as I've faced "other, pressing" issues in my life until now, are now being exposed, revealed, even to me. Through this, I am learning, developing, and gaining sweet perspective of my Creator as He continues to provide, nourish, and reach me however I may be.

I flip my attitude and say, because of that, I can know satisfaction and be inspired today ... lucky me, and lucky for you too, as He promises to the same for you!

pic pix: bamboo shafts spotted on our honeymoon, Manzanillo, Mexico, Feb.2011

home

It's been 42 days since we got hitched! Forty-two days that I have been a married woman, a wife! In so many ways, I cannot believe the time has gone by so quickly. Yet in other ways, I still find myself giggling because I cannot believe that it is done and we are one! I've never felt/had quite transformation, adjustment, joy, and gratefulness all in a month's time (+) like this ... it's pretty crazy! We've taken on new roles, titles, and a more integrated way of life. We're creating a home ...

I've always loved to decorate and 'create' a space to make it feel nice. If it's only to set the table for dinner or to showcase art from our travels, I take joy and pride in doing it. As I was rearranging again today (yes, this is almost considered a hobby of mine!), the thought of a home's true meaning really got stripped down as I asked myself, "What makes this physical place our home?" Sure, it's the warmth and coziness of the setup/layout, the memories in every artifact, the heirlooms and decor ideas I brought from my Mom & Dad's, the mere fact that this structure is where I find safety to rest and to just "be".

Growing up, my home was where my family was every night regardless of a quarrel, mess up or bad/good day. Our close quarters didn't define our home, our love did. The creative arrangements of furniture and colors didn't speak what our hearts knew as home, but our love did. "Home" was when we realized and appreciated who each member in our family was and how they contributed to it. A love regardless of location, age, or behavior ... our home = simple love.

Now, as we have our own family (just the two of us!), I see it even clearer how we make our home by our love. Though I quite enjoy setting up and staging niceties and eye stimulators to make the place appear 'homey', it is all in vain and worthless if we don't establish it on what really makes it ours ... our love.

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put into that action.

Mother Teresa

pic pix: our first & second home (1-eachother; 2-God's beautiful creation), Highwood River, AB 25.Sep.2010

cairns

In 25 days, I will be marrying m'Love ... the man who encourages me daily, challenges me to new heights continually, protects me, loves on me, believes in what I dream to do/or become, places hope in the same Savior to direct our lives together. He knows how to make me laugh (even when I try to be stubborn not to); he listens to the 'never before said aloud' thoughts I articulate; he asks questions that make me really ponder and speak so raw-fully true; he loves me with those eyes when I'm close up or far away...

We've had the opportunity to face some hard things emotionally together. Distance and time were at one point factors, but God knew what we needed to go through and how, despite what I thought was difficult or unfair. I knew this day would come, where I could look back and say, "That all was for a reason", but honestly, I never knew how overjoyed and blessed this feeling would be. Like along a hiking trail, our story has built cairns along the way ...

We set out on a scramble this past summer ... it was the middle of July, but because of our cold spring, at some parts on the mountain, there was still waist-deep snow!! I knew once our group got narrowed down to 3 athletic men and yours truly ... that I was in for it! Not only that, but on our drive to the mountains, I was informed that we wouldn't be hiking along a path, but creating our own (scrambling to the top). I told Matt that I probably wouldn't be able to keep up, and his reply was, "No matter what, I will be with you. We'll do what we can. We'll enjoy it together." If you know me, you know that my competitive spirit is, well, impressionable ... so yes, this was hard to swallow as we had not even begun yet!

There came the point where moss met rock, rock met snow ... the first cairn. Significantly placed. It was a point we could turn around and walk back to the jeep after a 2 hour hike, or continue on up for the next few hours! What our next steps proved to be, were the most frightening yet amazing moments I have ever experienced. Scaling a mountain wall is fun ... until you look down. Being snowed and hailed on while hiking in thigh-high snow is never fun (or safe), especially when you cannot go anywhere for shelter...

That one day summed allot of what our relationship has been through ... challenge, endurance, and learning how to rely on God's strength which really is simple, pure joy. I wouldn't trade any of the sweat and tears or leaps and fears out of my memory or reality. For, just like rocks are carefully placed along the trail to mark the journey to form a cairn, so have each of the details in our lives together been.

Love ... I can't wait for the cairn building ahead!

pic pix: Mount Sparrowhawk, Spray Lakes, AB, 10.Jul.10

juggling

Sometimes, I just wish there was another 2 hours of sunlight to spend outside, another 45 minutes to meet a deadline due right now, and, as I told myself this morning, another 3 hours to sleep after the alarm clock rang! It doesn't matter how busy you get, you always want to fit in one more thing. When you have "nothing" to do, you want to find something to do. And when you're too busy, you wish you had an extra minute to put up your feet and relax. It's comical what we long for sometimes, yet, I am seeing it is more of an ignored, subtle cry we have learnt to 'live with'.

Time will continue to move on, however you spend it ... how then can you budget for it? Lately, for me, life has been a question of balance. Not that I have no idea what that equilibrium is, but rather, I need to find this "even" existence. Between work, wedding plans, quality time with God, m'Love, my family, my friends ... no time is spent rejuvenating myself, personal development gets halted, and before I know it, I don't know how I've spun through this cycle to lead me to 'tiredness'. The best way I can describe it is like a top. I spin and spin around and it seems manageable, but eventually I end up being pulled down by gravity. Everything has to stop because I am uneven after all these turns and can not balance upright.

Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.

Thomas Merton

Balance will be a forever subject I will think, write, and ponder about...it's finding the perfect symmetry of all actions - busy-ness to productivity, relaxing to procrastinating - and the equality of time quality - work, friends, family. Balance means knowing your priorities, you responsibilities, and your ambitions.

Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life. It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to serve others by using them.
Thomas Kinkade

These guys have said it ... now, I gotta do it!


pic pix: m'Love balancing on a bridge, Many Springs, AB 19.Jun.10

another go, a new day

Once again, the aura envelopes us ... fresh air, new beginnings, crisp intentions ... a new year! Never have I really made resolutions for a new year, but I always anticipate this "idea" of starting anew.

A glimpse of what the year 2011 cradles for me ...

Our Wedding ...

Only 47 days to go! I can't WAIT to wake up next to him every morning, knowing that he is my husband and I am his wife ... taking hold of every moment we breathe together and discovering what our lives will become. Wish it was only 47 more minutes ... sigh!

Expanding my "Photo-World" horizons ...

Prospective business ideas are floating around (especially now with my new lil iPad!) I hope to soon share what these ideas and makings actually evolve into.

Home-making our home ...

Though, I have already moved into our new place and am starting to make it feel "homey", a part of this year will be establishing ourselves ... hosting friends and family and spending time here we will create and "make" our home.

Learning opportunities ...

My employers have graciously offered to pay for the schooling of any courses that are applicable to our field of work. I love absorbing new information, fitting more pieces of "the puzzle" together. Can't wait to dive into some new material!

Another birthday ...

You can't go through a year without hitting one of those.

Taking on new roles ...

Soon and very soon, I will be a:

Wife

Daughter-in-law

Sister-in-law

Auntie ... all persons I have never been though can't wait to officially be!

Creativity ...

I've always said, "if I only had a space where I could leave projects half-way through only to pick up again, I'd have allot more undertakings...". No longer is that an "if-only"... we have a second room that we are using as an office where I can set up for painting, drawing, paper-cutting, sewing and leaving it all where I last worked on it. I can craft anywhere, but to have this domain will be wonderful.

And though there are these things I look forward to (and more!), I believe the greatest challenge will still be to live in the moment I am in, enjoying all that today will exhibit, seizing every opportunity effectively and purposefully.

May you have a Happy New Year, New Month, New Week, New Day and New Moment!!

pic pix: bushel of dried grass, out with old-in with the new, Okotoks, AB Dec.10