(ha, just thought of Meg Ryan punching the air in "You've Got Mail").
The other night, while I was stuck in my thoughts about my dilemmas, I decided that I needed to see a positive from all of this. Every time that I had talked/shared/thought about it, I never looked past the negative. There had to be something good that I could take from it. It didn't even take a minute of changing my perspective for it to dawn on me.
Before being married, I never said no. If there was an invite, the answer was "yes". Needed volunteer time, "yes". Coffees/favors/parties/every & any other fun thing, "yes". Let's just say, since I've been married and now especially after having the boys, I've had to learn to use the 'n' word.
Still, I somehow I was managing to fill our weeks up to the brim with visiting and socializing. I've always been one to think, "with my personality, I'm sure this will be a continual battle to find the perfect balance and I'm ok with it, as long as the pendulum doesn't swing extreme the other way." So when we were faced with a forceful pace slowing, I knew I needed to find a symmetry to these two extremes.
Slow it down.
Through chaos as it swirls,
It's us against the world.
Since Judah was born, this is the lullaby I sing to the boys. I never pre-thought it, it just happens to be the first song that gets in my head when I'm singing to settle them down. Never did I think that this was supposed to be my mantra, it was just a song. But now, after singing it daily for the past (almost) 2 years, the concept of the words are actually starting to sink in.
Some of the positives I've been noticing by slowing it down over here:
1. Quiet weeks are bliss - Instead of coffee & playdate written on every day of my daytimer, it now has blank spots with a plan here or there. Last minute outings/rendezvous come up, but for the most part, I've been feeling more in control of my time.
2. Happy boys, happy mama - When I can give undivided attention more than just an hour here or there in a week, the happy levels at home are good.
3. Rest - I'm not a napper. Never have been, maybe one day will be, but for now, I can't. But I do rest. If it's reading in bed or taking a bath while the boys nap, I need it.
4. Routine - Just as I'm not a napper, I'm not a "routiner"(!). Though, the boys really do need it and I have been trying. Because our time is literally becoming OUR time, we have been able to schedule important things in and stick to them. This may seem simple to any one else, but this is so huge for me!
5. Music & dance - more time = more dance parties!
I'm still a work in progress but a happier one at that ... especially realizing that from something so depressing (sickness) there can be a real positive change and message to learn from.
pic pix: us at home having a slow day, Feb.2014