be free from expectation

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day,
to make you everybody else means to
fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight;
and never stop fighting.
~ e.e. cummings

A few months back, my sister-in-law wrote a post about the dangerous path of comparison.  When I read it the first time, I felt as though she could somehow read my thoughts.  Judah was just born, major transition was unfolding itself every single day, and all I could think about was other (new) moms and how they seemed to handle/cope/learn things.  I had opened the window and let the thoughts and attitude of comparison waft [waft: a term to describe scents that have diffused into other parts of the room] around me.

Realizing my comparative heart, I resolved to not let it drive me or my emotions down that negative road.

Fast forward a bit ... it's September and I've started to feel bummed again.  Not because summer is over.  Not because I get to be Matt's girl and Judah's mama forever.  Not because I'm not loved or supported by family and friends.  It's because I've been allowing myself to feel weighted and discouraged (again) because of the comparisons I've been making with:

- other women
- my life in the past

 and with meeting the expectations of:

- what the "world" thinks of me
- this utopian-wife/mama that I've imagined could exist

Fawne wrote, "We have to stop comparing.  It's deadly."  William Shakespeare* also expressed, "Expectation is the root of all heartache."

I've again allowed this poison to waft in my heart room.  I've let it linger too long and no longer do I want to have it here.  This is not living in freedom ...  

"Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit [freedom], let us make sure we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives.  That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse.  We have far more interesting things to do with our lives.  Each of us is an original." ~ galatians 5:25-26 - the message

We have far more interesting things to do with our lives.

That is not only truth, but encouragement!  Why waste our life trying to live to a standard we weren't even created for?  The only similarities we have journeying through life are: we each have our own lives to live and enjoy; and we are free as we live it.

Poison is not something I would choose to physically eat ... so, why do I sometimes choose to pollute my heart and mind with poison?  Comparison is a choice, with a dead result.  Freedom is also a choice, with LIFE as the outcome.  I shouldn't teeter on what to live by when the product is so clear.

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I challenge you to look at your life today.  Maybe you don't partake in the same poison I can get caught up in, maybe you do.  Your wafting poison may not be something visibly obvious to you or others, but it still is eating away in your heart room and not producing real freedom.  Think about what areas of your life you feel stuck, weighed down, bound, lifeless ... that is where your poison lies.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM..."
~ 2 corinthians 3:17 - the message



pic pix: summer landscape in Calgary - indeed original, Jun.2012, Calgary, AB

three months ...

Because we were on vacation for Judah's actual 3-month birthday, these photos were taken a few days later.  I just love this little boy to bits!

As a three-month-old, if I had to name a few of my favorite things, besides Mama and Daddy of course, they would be my soother - no.1, a blanket to grab while sleeping - no.2, and my giraffe Sophie -no.3.  Among many other things, this month I've learned how to stick out my tongue, grab and play with toys, and yank Mama's hair real hard.  My new nickname is "drooly pots" as my teeth are starting to make their debut :(  I'm now an avid plane-flyer and swimmer - thanks to my first "out of the country" vacation last week.  On the airplane is where I had one of my moments where I tested the strength of my voice.  Daddy kept playing this game where he'd respond to my loud squeals with "shhhh..."!  People always try to get my attention by saying, "Judah".  I look at them most of the time because I'm pretty sure it makes them happy.  I'm not super keen about laying on my stomach, actually not keen at all.  I'd rather you hold my hands and help me walk.  Or glide me around in my stroller while you roller-blade!

I've again experienced so many firsts this month ... can't wait to share more when I've reached number four!

and...we're back

After a fun week in Florida, we are home!  Everyone from my family - two brothers, sister, mom, dad, m'love and juju - was able to make it down to Orlando.  We aren't really theme-park-type-of-people, so no "worlds" (SeaWorld, DisneyWorld, etc) were visited on this trip.  Our purpose was to kick back, enjoy the wave of heat and humidity, and spend some time together ... and that we did! 

As first priority, and in my family's true fashion, a trip to the grocery store and Costco were first on the list.  How can you relax without snacks?!  When we weren't eating(!), we were either beaching it, rollerblading, relaxing pool-side, shopping, coffee-ing, golfing, or just talking.

There were some "firsts" on this trip too:

     . Judah stuck his tongue out - Yes, at a moment when he was being told not to do something!

     . Matt's first vacation with my family - He did swimmingly well!  I do believe he is now coffee-ed
       out (there is always a coffee in hand or the suggestion to get one with this crowd!)
    
     . Judah's first plane ride - He blew our socks off again with how amazing he did going up and
       down both times.  Yup, he's pretty much perfect!
    
     . Our first time traveling as parents - At first, the amount of STUFF to think about and pack, not
       being at/near home, was overwhelming.  Slathering the boy with sunscreen anytime we were
       outside, staying put instead of playing pick-up beach volleyball, toting around more than just a
       light, travel daypack, worrying about smoking and noise levels in new places .... !!!!  But like
       anything, you get used to it.  We're pros now (ha!). 

     . Judah's first swim in the pool and ocean - At first, he wasn't too sure, but by the end of the week,
       he did not mind the soothing experience of being carried in the warm pool water.  The ocean ... a
       slightly different story :)

With our new experiences (Juju really is the dream baby to travel with!), shopping bags full, and fun memories etched, I'm looking forward to our next adventure.  

1. me and my guys.
2. family trivial pursuit.
3. juju, wearing these all too well.
4. documenting the first swim.
5. i liked these sandwich stabbers.
6. 'surfin' in daddy's palm.
7. white sand with incredible skies.
8. not really liking the ocean.
9. it was so hot, and he was mesmorized by the cool water.
10. rollerblading.
11. the guys down in old town kissimmee for the muscle car show.
12. traveling shoes.
13. **missing** - a picture of my mom, sis, and i - aka. 'the shoppers'.

grateful to the core

As I sit here in my pjs, drinking my mint tea, cozy-ied up on the couch, and just loving this time when I'm the only one up at our house, I can't help but be so thankful for ALL that I have been given - relationally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.  So many amazing things I get to be a part of ... and it's too often that I don't stop and recognize them.  Tonight, it hit me again how quickly I can oversee my blessings...

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We checked out an acreage tonight.  A perfect mountain view(!) at a perfect price, with the perfect amount of potential to see a dream unfold for us.  Okay, okay, it's not totally perfect ... there is a ton of work to be done to the land, we would eventually have to build another house on it.  PLUS, it's not like I can’t really even get my hopes up for something we haven’t even put an offer in for yet!

The whole drive home, as I sat in the backseat listening to Matt and my brother (our realtor) talk logistics, I kept day-dreaming about the different ways we could make the temporary house our home, the work involved to get it there, how different seasons would be living there, the killer view at sunrise and sunset ... etc. etc.  To say I was caught up with the possibilities is a complete understatement!  My mind got to thinking, "If only we had our own place, we could...", "If only we lived out of the city, we could...", "If only...if only....if only...".  When we got home, I can't say there were distinct thoughts of non-satisfaction with our current living situation, but, nor was there really a pronounced thankfulness either.

I'm not wanting to beat myself up about being excited (I still am, by the way!) or make something out of nothing.  I simply, and entirely, want to be focused and grateful for the many realities/blessings God has given to me to me daily.  If that one day, be an acreage, or tomorrow, be my apartment ... I want thankfulness to be at the core.

"My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live Him. You're deeply rooted in Him. You're well constructed upon Him. You know your way around your faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over with thanksgiving."
Colossians 2:6-8, The Message

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If you didn't already know ... I'm SO thankful for these two ...

... and special moments like these!


pic pix: taken with VSCO camera, Calgary, July-August.2012

 

our weekend in pictures

Moments from our labour day weekend ...

1. niece & nephew love
2. trying out the new mattress
3. the makings of holy-moly, guacamole
4. these lil 'men' crack me up
5. 'cookie happy' cousin
6. budgeting book
7. the cutest look of surprise
8. brekky in bed
9. daddy & judah's newest trick
10. an evening of rollerblading

pic pix: Calgary, 31.Aug.2012 - 04.Sep.2012