this mama is.

There really is such a thing called a "funk" after having babies.  Not that I didn't really believe it, but I never thought that I could be one to go through it.  It's not that I thought I was "above it", I just thought that by being super optimistic I would/could outweigh negative things.  A nice thought, but not super realistic, Sarah.  For, this mama:

  . is tired.
  . is still battling post-pardum blues.
  . is looking for my hormones as they are out for a long lunch or a long hike...or both.
  . is still learning that balance is an art and a science.

In life, it's like the ugly of this world is predictable.  The difficult things are definitely dreaded but not surprising.  There's not much "hard stuff" that you can guarantee that will not happen to you.  And as it happens, it's not like there is anyone in history who has not experienced that same thing (or similar).

That's where "good stuff" is different.  There is not a certain amount of "good stuff" that you can imagine can/will happen to you.  The margin for goodness is immeasurable.  There is no ceiling.

"For God is good, and He loves goodness..." ~ Psalm 11:7

We were driving to church sunday morning, and I said to Matt, "our kids are way cooler than I could have ever imagined them to be!".  After church, someone mentioned to me that life has so much more good than we could ever even hope for ... we just need to receive it.  God is that good and that loving on His children that He would want us to be blown away at how amazing life can be.  That includes these precious kiddos.

Sure, there will be days (ahem: like today.) when I have thought, "How in the world will I make it to dinner time?".  And then some days (like Sunday) when I get so overwhelmed with the reminder of the privilege and honour it is to be these boys' mama.

So, I guess through all of this rambling, I'm trying to say (to you and me!) that there is goodness around you.  There is still more in store for you.  More than you can begin to imagine.

You are blessed.

This mama is blessed.


pic pix: a blessed mama and her two boys, mothers day 2014, wr community centre, Calgary, AB

19/52

Judah West: some sporadic *humorous* potty training this week.
Hunter Elias: he's been such a character lately ... can't wait until he can tell us what's so funny!

colorboard / no.29

color: sunshiny yellows

word of inspiration: our May weather this year
source of word: "In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours." ~ Mark Twain said it right, weather is a wild one in the spring.  Lately, it's been a mix of hot days and blizzardy ones ... I wake up hoping for the sunshiny yellow ones.

/1. i've always thought these flowers were neat  /2. chair no.1 - glossy yellow chair  /3. bag no.1  /4. pillow says it all, LOVE  /5. i've wanted one of these Kmix coffee makers (in yellow) for forever  /6. loving these earrings (local artist too!)  /7. yellow ray-bans? sweet!  /8. perfect summer/wedding shoes  /9. love me some cute linens  /10. this artist ... i love what she does! this pattern may be printed on pillows - which i will be buying  /11. bag no.2 - just because  /12. i saw this print in chapters the other day, almost bought it ... maybe still will  /13. chair no.2 - this belongs in my home

our {fri}day in pictures.

1. good breakfast today.
2. baths at 10:00am sound about right.
3. even though it's rainy outside today, these tulips bring much sunshine.
5. IKEA lunch cutie.
6. laundry for days years.
7. waiting patiently to hear if our friends baby was born.  more coffee while I wait, please.
8. FINALLY working on stuff for the wall in Judah's (and soon to be Hunter's too) bedroom.
9. night time reading in these funky chairs.
*no pictures of outside as it was much too wet.

14 - 18/52

FIVE WEEKS that I have been lazy caught up with everyday life that I didn't get to posting these pictures.  Thankfully, I did snap them each week, just never got to uploading them and creating their respective weekly posts.  Here's a catch-up of the weeks I've been behind on (and unfortunately, the ISO wasn't set correctly on my camera, so these are all a bit to grainy for my liking).  Picture post starting ... now!

14. (April 6, 2014)

Judah West & Hunter Elias: this is exactly how I picture them, for the rest of their lives.  best buds.

15. (April 13, 2014)

Judah West: these are a few of my favorite things - soother, nousnours, rubber boots
Hunter Elias: me and Judah are mama's favorite boys

16. (April 20, 2014)

Judah West: caught on the move ... with chocolate in tow.
Hunter Elias: caught reading and sitting on the rug ... again.

17. (April 27, 2014)

Judah West: outfits for days.
Hunter Elias: this wee one's outfit most days.

18. (May 4, 2014)

Judah West: his KEYS are quite important.
Hunter Elias: his sleep (for Mama) and jersey (for Papa) are quite important.

He will quiet you.

Through Instagram, I heard about a tragic accident that killed a 3 year old boy last Friday.  I don't know the family, nor had I heard about them before it became public.  After the moment I first read about it, I couldn't seem to shake it.  My heart aches for those parents ... I can't begin to know the first feeling of what they must be going through.  A sadness stirs in me when I hear of any parent that has lived beyond the life of their child.

For the past couple of days, it's just been like a non-stop "buzz" inside my head.  It's been a battle to keep fear of the unknown at bay and worry even further.  

Not knowing how else to control my thoughts, I simply asked God for a "quiet mind"...
quiet: (verb) make or become silent, calm, or still

The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zeph. 3:17

It's like the picture of the rocks in the snow.  The heat of the sun is just starting to thaw the cold.  Slowly, the warmth melts away the frost and the colors and the textures of the rocks make their show. Sometimes, when that "cold", lonely, and a hopeless feeling is around me, the frigidness can get to me and I feel covered up...as if I have to listen to the shouting fears and worries swirling around in my head.  But when the sun comes out, to melt away all the cold, everything becomes exposed.  There is a clarity as the stones bask in radiant heat.  Just the same, there is a clarity when I embrace His heat [His love], my thoughts get quiet.

How beautiful of a promise is that?  He will make me quiet with His love.  Noise, fear, worry can all be quieted with His love.  With an embrace or a gesture that I know as love (for you it may be an action or words you hear.  For me, it's the gift of beauty in front of me), my being can be quiet.  still.

Receive His love today.  Let your heart be quieted.

pic pix: stones outside of Blackstone Inn, 02.May.2014, Canmore, AB

learning new balance.

I feel like I might be writing this post for the rest of my life.  Living life involves finding balance - constantly.  It seems that with every new season, we have to evolve our balancing act yet again.  Let me walk you through a glimpse of where I'm coming from.

When I was single : I really gave everything extra to becoming my healthiest.  If I had to cut out a certain food, buy vitamins, go on a cleanse, exercise more, etc...I could go to the extreme and just make the decision and run with it.  No questions about it.  What I ate or did before bed didn't effect anyone but me, so I could be rigorous.  My other extreme - I was a yes person.  There weren't many things (if there were!) that I didn't try to make work.  Coffee dates, commitments, rides, new friends, parties, travel - I was there.

Then I got married: Those "me" decisions quickly became "we" decisions and I had to learn how to just say no.  A new found balance and freedom that I had never experienced consistently to this point in life.  My biggest everyday adjustment at that point was cleaning our apartment.  I wasn't used to living with someone where I carried most of the responsibility to keep the place clean.  I had to adapt my systems to work with his, allot more time to actually get stuff done, and had to learn to relax a bit over how spotless I was expecting our house to be!

Skip ahead to now: This Sarah, as a wife to a patient and gracious man and a mama of two beautiful boys.  I find that some days, I have to force myself to say "yes", ha!  Not entirely a "no" person but still trying to find the balance for what is too much and just enough - when it comes to other people filling my time.  I'm also quickly finding that my 'go-to' methods for cleaning, getting healthy, etc are still maturing.  When I break it down, I just can't be extreme!  Taking an entire day to deep clean every single room in our house or drastically changing my diet whilst still making 'regular' meals for Matt and the boys...proves to be difficult(!!).

So, what can I do to seek out my new balance?

With my time, responsibilities as a wife/mother/bookkeeper/daughter of the King/artist/friend - I need to get creative.  My process of change, maybe won't have an extreme approach, as I did in the past, but can be effective by taking baby steps.  More so, in the long run.

"...we may never know these [plans] until they have already happened." written to me in a note from a friend the other day

My advance towards balance right now requires a great deal of patience and a trust that good things will come from my smaller actions and accomplishments.  Down to the littlest of things like foods we eat, smatterings of verses that get memorized, and cleaning schedules.  Also, knowing and believing that God does know my ultimate plan, purpose, and how all my tiny pieces of progress will one day come together.

"...He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."  romans 8:28

How are you juggling this season of balance right now?  How do you see God working that process for good in and around you?


pic pix: spending some sweet moments with the boys this morning (they have this "thing" for holding each others' hands when they first wake up. mama heart burst right there!), 02.May.2014, on the couch