well, hello december.

It's only December 4, and we already are shoulder-deep in Christmas season busy-ness!  I was writing out our monthly calendar, realizing that the few weekends that are in December are nearly full and only to get more compact.  Between balancing our business, church commitments, visiting family and friends and keeping our little family happy, anything extra lately has felt like a mountain to get through.  I'm not here to lament, but maybe vent just a little(!).

Despite the month's occupied minutes, this is still one of my favorite seasons.  Not only does the world recognize the birthday of my savior, but people's hearts are so open - to give and receive.  I think in the midst of chaotic traditions (some of which I totally love, by the way) there is just a rawness in each person.  Allowing themselves to feel.  I've been praying that my heart would be open to bless as well as receive - sometimes it's easy to get caught up just prepping and being part of things that I don't see the blessing people are being TO me.

Like my kids.  Their innocence and pure perspective of life is so refreshing.  We had a rude gas guy come check our lines the other day.  After being here for a bit, he asked Judah what he was going to get for Christmas.  And maybe Judah misinterpreted the question, but his matter-of-fact reply was, "Jesus."  My mama proud meter was clocking in way off the charts as I heard him unselfishly answer, and the hardened man actually smiled and (I believe) was touched by such an answer from a little guy.  If Judah realized what his answer meant or not, the simplicity he shared it with was not only refreshing to me but that man also.

I know I constantly write about wanting life to be simple ... it's because I do, and I can't shake it.  I want simple answers like that to be what changes days or even lives.  I want the unembellished rawness of people to be what I connect with.  And crazily enough, even with all the decorations and trimmings of the season, it's like I said: I feel like people open themselves up this time of year to just be ... themselves.

I hope you open up and receive the blessings that this season have to offer ... whether if it's what I love about it or not.  Embrace what side of the spectrum you need to grow in - if that be receiving more or giving more.  This time is meant to be celebrated, so lets!


pic pix: the start of our advent gifts (still haven't wrapped December 7th and on , 04.Dec.2014, at home

joy in EVERY moment.

It's around 6:05am, my husbands alarm song goes off.  Since this the third time he's pressed the snooze button, he declares that he is sleeping in a bit this morning.

Glory be to God.

The kids are still sleeping (if you count the youngest one who's snoozing after he got brought into our bed 20mins ago "still sleeping").  And the morning air in our house is cool and I'm not ready to leave my covers quite yet.

Then I hear it ... < r u s t l e,  r u s t l e,  m o a n,  y a w n,  s i g h,  r u s t l e,  r u s t l e, pat-pat-pat-pat (tiny footsteps hitting the hardwood)>

Noooooo ... sleep, I must sleep.

Up comes our oldest one into the bed, ready for morning cuddles.

Oh, this isn't too bad, we will all just lay here for another hour an....

< P O K E  in the cheek >

< C R A W L  over the head >

< C R A S H  onto my pillow >

I love cuddling (thought with no sarcasm, of course).

It really was in that moment, of total self expectation and selfish desire, that I wanted to just burrow in and ignore the chaos around me.  Take my want for relaxing on the "sleep in morning" seriously.  Shut out any inclination to start the day and sleep.

But it was also, in that split second, did I realize that I could choose to just embrace the fact that I needed to get up and OUT of bed with these boys.  Leaving Matt to get only a few more winks of shut-eye, we went downstairs.

I was not only able to have coffee ready for Matt when he woke up but breakfast too!  I definitely didn't have any intentions of serving my husband this morning, but God took the opportunity of me choosing JOY to then receive JOY as I was able to help Matt out that little bit.

My idea of JOY can be so skewed.  I thought having those extra minutes of sleep would have been joy in all it's glory.  Yet, with just a shift in perspective, I got to experience a real JOY.  Not one that I fabricated, but one that I was surprised with.  How I love a good surprise!

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for JOY and be glad all of our days.   Psalm 90:14

pic pix: a sight that always brings me joy, Dec.2013, Kananaskis Upper Lake, AB

i get to choose.

Life.

A simple, four letter word with so much weight, meaning, and expanse to it.  It means the opposite of death.  The distinguisher between something dead or alive.  An adjective that means to be have a "spring in one's step".  The word that describes the action of breathing each breath, conquering each hurdle, feeling each emotion.

Sometimes, I get so caught up in other people's lives, that I forget that I get to live my own.  If it's comparing, longing it were just that little bit different, or taking more time to observe someone else's life, etc ... I can waste my own precious time pouring into that which I do have.

Everyone's life looks different.  Period.

Yes, there are components that definitely look the same and areas that overlap a lot more into some people's day-to-day workings (i.e. same job, same church, same school, same favorite coffee, etc).  But for the bulk of who we are, there are is no mirror image to yours.

Before I shaped you in the womb,

   I knew all about you.

Before you saw the light of day,

   I had holy plans for you ...

      Jeremiah 1:5

The moments I have to breathe are vital and only mine.  I get to choose what and how I fill them.  If there is something I am not liking, I get to choose how that I can change (mainly speaking about my attitude here).  When I am overwhelmed with stuff that just seems to fill and fill my time and rob me of the joy God intends for me to live life with, I get to choose if I stay in that state or not.

My life is just that ... mine.  Not yours, hers, or anyone else's.  God has a special and unique purpose for it, and I'm not going to let any one person/thing rob me of living it in joy.

Will you choose the same today?

p.s. a post I wrote a while back about how only I can be me.

pic pix: a wee bird on a wire, in the grand scheme of things - me, Aug.2014, at Matt's aunt's farm

none but jesus.

In the quiet, in the stillness 
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence 
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion 
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness 
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore
Hillsong United

This picture was taken just over 2 months ago ... not as I sit here in my kitchen at midnight, waiting for my cookies to bake!  

But something reminded me of this picture/moment as I've been baking to unwind from the day.  The knowledge that I can be restored whatever it is that I may be doing, whenever during the day it may be.  If that be having an "ahhhhh" moment as a butterfly lands in your hand or comfort food baking after a long day of discipling your toddler and trying to keep your teething 10 month old comfortable -- He (my Father, my Rescuer, my Savior) gives me grace and restores me.

God, my shepherd!  
I don't need a thing.  
You have bedded me down in lush meadows, 
   you find me quiet pools to drink from.  
True to you word, 
   you let me catch my breath 
   and send me in the right direction...
Psalm 23:1-3 The Message

There's no more perfect time or circumstance than right now to reach up to Him to give you power to overcome and be given revitalization ...

... and there's no one other than Jesus who can renew you to find this new strength.

pic pix: a pretty sweet creation miracle I got to be part of, Jul.2014, Fish Creek Park

capacity.

Do you get to a point where you have just had ENOUGH?  Where everything seems to come to a head at one time and that was the last straw/the bubbling over bit/the tipping point?  Oh, you never do?  Yea, neither do I...ha!  As everything in life goes through cycles, I feel like "patience" is one of those things I feel like I run a cycle with: very patient, somewhat patient, kind of patient, needing patience, what is patience? graced with patience, then I take a pause .... only to repeat.

Before we went on holidays, I was struggling with one of those last parts of the cycle - what is patience?  It seemed like there could be one thing, even the tiniest of problems or changes in plans out of place that would put me over the edge.  I felt like I was surrendering my issues to Jesus, but never felt like I had a reprieve from my hot-tempered emotions.  

Then I read this:

"It's impossible to give away something you don't have.  So to give God's love to others, I needed to receive it myself first."  Joyce Meyers, The Confident Mom 

Where was my love for my children and husband coming from?  Me.  How was I gauging what could or couldn't be done/changed?  From MY understanding and strength.

All from my capacity.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family like something fierce and there is not anything else I treasure so so so very much.  Yet, the most love, patience, peace, understanding, etc that I can give, can only go so far.  It has a ceiling.  A limit.  And here, the One I can turn to for an unlimited supply of love, understanding and patience is standing right here with me through life's challenges.  Offering to go beyond my capacity if I'd just receive it.

I realized then, that a lot of what was happening was because of my choice.  My choice to hold onto the "depths of my own love" not looking to receive love far beyond my own magnitude.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

Knowing this, has allowed for incredible freedom as I love my little family.  As lately, I've faced some incredibly frustrating points, I am assured that even if I can't handle it, and my capacity does  have a maximum ... His doesn't.  And He wants to love me (and you) through everything.  All we have to do is ...

Receive it.

pic pix: a grainy shot of me and my Juju, August.2014, Sandpoint, ID

back.

Oh, it feels so good to be home!  You know you've had a good vacation when you return home and are so happy to be there.  Idaho was more than spectacular for us (in so many different ways), but, like Dorothy once said, there's no place quite like home.

We came back to our house undergoing some serious landscaping ... which, I might add, is ALMOST done!  Yay(!) for a back yard again.  Once we are complete, I'll be posting some before pictures of this whole garage/backyard project.  But until then, I'll still be washing my floors every night to get rid of the mud and will still be looking through my dusty, dirty windows (as I have boycotted doing them until construction is done).  The end results of renovating are amazing and so satisfying, but during it...maybe not so much!

Coming back after an extended period away from "normal" life helps you realize how normal your life really isn't and how busy stuff tends to creep in until you make a drastic cut/break.  Weeks leading up to our departure, there were what-seemed-important-things and events that filled our days and thoughts.  Getting away with just Matt and the boys showed me how much more important spending time as a family and JUST as a family is.  Don't get me wrong, we aren't cutting out the socializing ... we are setting out to prioritize the family time we get to have over anything else.  Behaviours and little issues seem to fade when you are investing time into each others' days.

Time spent just reading about God's love for me, as I'm His child, was pretty mind blowing and was  exactly what my thirsty spirit required to be quenched with.  More thoughts on that to come, but overall, I feel "back" on track taking time to spend with Father daily.  Which was more than refreshing ... it was needed and I'm so thankful.

We set quite a few goals while we were away.  Some lofty, some needed, some practical and some to try.  All for the sake of improvement in our lives as we're hoping to get traction to get life goals back on track.  Exciting stuff to come(!!).

Glad to be here again - sharing about life and it's simple intricacies.  As for now ...  I'm going to go back to relaxing while these boys are napping!


pic pix: the beautiful forest floor, Aug.2014, Farragut State Park, Idaho

God created good.

Summer. 

One of my favorite seasons.  Have I mentioned I have four favorites?!  There is a beauty to every season that if you don't choose to enjoy, you'll miss it.  In the summer division of the year, one thing I need to take in is these peonies.  Many find the ants annoying (and usually, crawling ants drive me up the wall too) but I'm able to see past them when I get to clip some for my dining room table and get a whiff of these beauties!

I wish for every kind of season - not just the "term in the year" type of season - I could know what fragrant flower I needed to be ready for.  So I could gear up to enjoy it's spell.  But life doesn't work like that.  Predictability isn't a reality when it comes to relationships or circumstances.  Or, simple day to day life.  

What does exist though, in both of these cases, is the anticipation.  The wonder and excitement for what could/can potentially happen.  The expectation that God really does give us wonderful gifts, in every life season.

"...everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected 

if it is received with thanksgiving." 1 timothy 4:4

I have so much to be grateful for ... so, so much.  But in the moments my gratitude starts to fade, that is when I begin to see/focus on the "blemishes" of my life.  That which is so minuscule in the grand scheme of things, ends up eating away my time/energy/thoughts.  When...EVERYTHING that God created - every single season - is good.

And though I may not be experiencing it or have no idea what is getting ready to bloom and when, I can rest in the thought the God created good for me and I can anticipate how awesome those fragrances will be.

Will/do you?

pic pix: ma beloved peonies, at home, Jul.2014

basic.

We were driving up to one beautiful campsite the other year, and the drive was equally as gorgeous.  Mountains on either side of us, trees, trees, trees everywhere.  The skies were just the right contrast of blue and white.  Let's just say, it was breath-taking!  The road we were driving on had about a 12 foot buffer on each side before the trees were so thick, you could barely see through them.  It was while we were driving on that road that I thought, There were people who forged this road through these trees.  I wonder what they would think of us now ... driving into these deep wood to "rough it" for their "vacation".

It's funny how something so simple - like camping - is now a novelty.  First pioneers to these parts had to literally rough it every single day.  Camping was their norm and not their retreat.  They surely would laugh at me, counting down the days to our next camp trip when they probably yearned for things more elaborate when it came to the thought of relaxation!

We live in an era where basic concepts/tasks are so unconventional that they are considered "fresh" and original.  No longer is an imagination what every kid has ... the few that are left to explore it are almost praised for something that was once how every kid played.  Minimalism is considered a stylish trend.  When in all reality, to pare down and have less stuff is simply smart.  Eating clean, whole foods is not a new, way-out-there-thought, it's natural - how food was eaten in a much more intrinsic time.

Though kids are bombarded by the infiltration of "more, more, more", I believe they still carry some of the keys to simplicity.  Like, how they love people no matter how awkward or unnatural the adult is.  Their acceptance is innocent and not over analyzed.  Or how they can laugh over the simplest of things.  Their not consumed with everyone else's opinion.  Or how, they believe and have such a trust in God and people.  There is such thing as faith like a child.

Basically, simplicity is about getting back to the basics.  Unlearning all the complicated ways and things we've accumulated since we were children.  Knowing and living the "simple is more" mantra.

"It takes a long time to learn how to do something simple." ~ Marty Rubin

So I guess, in pursuit of living this simple life ... I'm going camping!!

pic pix: Yaya & Judah on a simple afternoon walk, May.2014, Fish Creek Park, AB

this mama is.

There really is such a thing called a "funk" after having babies.  Not that I didn't really believe it, but I never thought that I could be one to go through it.  It's not that I thought I was "above it", I just thought that by being super optimistic I would/could outweigh negative things.  A nice thought, but not super realistic, Sarah.  For, this mama:

  . is tired.
  . is still battling post-pardum blues.
  . is looking for my hormones as they are out for a long lunch or a long hike...or both.
  . is still learning that balance is an art and a science.

In life, it's like the ugly of this world is predictable.  The difficult things are definitely dreaded but not surprising.  There's not much "hard stuff" that you can guarantee that will not happen to you.  And as it happens, it's not like there is anyone in history who has not experienced that same thing (or similar).

That's where "good stuff" is different.  There is not a certain amount of "good stuff" that you can imagine can/will happen to you.  The margin for goodness is immeasurable.  There is no ceiling.

"For God is good, and He loves goodness..." ~ Psalm 11:7

We were driving to church sunday morning, and I said to Matt, "our kids are way cooler than I could have ever imagined them to be!".  After church, someone mentioned to me that life has so much more good than we could ever even hope for ... we just need to receive it.  God is that good and that loving on His children that He would want us to be blown away at how amazing life can be.  That includes these precious kiddos.

Sure, there will be days (ahem: like today.) when I have thought, "How in the world will I make it to dinner time?".  And then some days (like Sunday) when I get so overwhelmed with the reminder of the privilege and honour it is to be these boys' mama.

So, I guess through all of this rambling, I'm trying to say (to you and me!) that there is goodness around you.  There is still more in store for you.  More than you can begin to imagine.

You are blessed.

This mama is blessed.


pic pix: a blessed mama and her two boys, mothers day 2014, wr community centre, Calgary, AB

learning new balance.

I feel like I might be writing this post for the rest of my life.  Living life involves finding balance - constantly.  It seems that with every new season, we have to evolve our balancing act yet again.  Let me walk you through a glimpse of where I'm coming from.

When I was single : I really gave everything extra to becoming my healthiest.  If I had to cut out a certain food, buy vitamins, go on a cleanse, exercise more, etc...I could go to the extreme and just make the decision and run with it.  No questions about it.  What I ate or did before bed didn't effect anyone but me, so I could be rigorous.  My other extreme - I was a yes person.  There weren't many things (if there were!) that I didn't try to make work.  Coffee dates, commitments, rides, new friends, parties, travel - I was there.

Then I got married: Those "me" decisions quickly became "we" decisions and I had to learn how to just say no.  A new found balance and freedom that I had never experienced consistently to this point in life.  My biggest everyday adjustment at that point was cleaning our apartment.  I wasn't used to living with someone where I carried most of the responsibility to keep the place clean.  I had to adapt my systems to work with his, allot more time to actually get stuff done, and had to learn to relax a bit over how spotless I was expecting our house to be!

Skip ahead to now: This Sarah, as a wife to a patient and gracious man and a mama of two beautiful boys.  I find that some days, I have to force myself to say "yes", ha!  Not entirely a "no" person but still trying to find the balance for what is too much and just enough - when it comes to other people filling my time.  I'm also quickly finding that my 'go-to' methods for cleaning, getting healthy, etc are still maturing.  When I break it down, I just can't be extreme!  Taking an entire day to deep clean every single room in our house or drastically changing my diet whilst still making 'regular' meals for Matt and the boys...proves to be difficult(!!).

So, what can I do to seek out my new balance?

With my time, responsibilities as a wife/mother/bookkeeper/daughter of the King/artist/friend - I need to get creative.  My process of change, maybe won't have an extreme approach, as I did in the past, but can be effective by taking baby steps.  More so, in the long run.

"...we may never know these [plans] until they have already happened." written to me in a note from a friend the other day

My advance towards balance right now requires a great deal of patience and a trust that good things will come from my smaller actions and accomplishments.  Down to the littlest of things like foods we eat, smatterings of verses that get memorized, and cleaning schedules.  Also, knowing and believing that God does know my ultimate plan, purpose, and how all my tiny pieces of progress will one day come together.

"...He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."  romans 8:28

How are you juggling this season of balance right now?  How do you see God working that process for good in and around you?


pic pix: spending some sweet moments with the boys this morning (they have this "thing" for holding each others' hands when they first wake up. mama heart burst right there!), 02.May.2014, on the couch

influence.

My whole life, it seems, I've gone to great lengths just to be original.

A simple but substantiated example, I'll take you back to the 7 year old Sarah.  As a general rule, kids seem to love candy.  As I didn't want to be like every other kid, I made a hard line decision that I did not like candy ... and actually stuck to it.  After swimming lessons, we were allowed to pick a treat from the concession.  My siblings (naturally) all grabbed candy.  But not me.  I picked ichiban noodles so that I wouldn't fit into that stereotype.  A little hardcore(!).  Because of the few many examples in my life to "swim upstream"/"go against the grain", my husband sometimes calls me out on it to see if what I am about to do is really because I want to OR am I just trying to be different...

As much as I think I am being or have been "unique", along the way I have picked up on the mentality that: nothing can impact my originality.  I think back to king Solomon's words, "nothing is new under the sun" and agree completely ... but how easily I forget how I, as Sarah, can:
     1. not ever have an entirely original idea (nothings new, right?). and,
     2. be influenced and/or swayed by peoples opinions & perspectives a lot more than I'd like to admit

influence: [noun] the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something; or the effect itself

The world we live in at the moment has a grip on our psyche.  Images EVERYWHERE penetrate into our minds, whether we like it or not.  Consumerism GRABS our attention and plants seeds of needing that very item.  Social media can route our thoughts to COMPLACENCY by comparing our lives and stuff with our virtual friends.  And so on.

I'm not here to knock these platforms nor am I going to rant on about how the world today is this-n-that.  It's just that I've come to realize that I can be very influenced.  So subtly.  Style, ideas of how I think a situation or time of life should run its course, perspective, etc - I know all have been effected at one point or another.

So, how do I want to be influenced?  

I want veracity and authenticity to be my make-up.  The words I hear to be encouraging, challenging.  The voices telling me what to consume to be selling me out on God's awesomeness.

What does God tell me about filling my mind?

"Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! 

Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute....

I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things  t r u e , noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—t h e  b e s t , not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse..." ~ phil. 4:4-5, 8

We all get to choose what influences and grips us ... 

How or what will you fill your mind with today?


pic pix: nature study - creative influence, 14.Apr.3014, around home

because he bends down to listen.

Since Hunter was born, I'd have to say, this has been the craziest, most challenging, busiest, most tiring time of my entire life.  I've hit some lows and hard times before, but those times, I never had to worry about two other little people and I had the opportunity to sleep!  Colic lasted for 3 months...3 months longer than it should have ever existed (I feel for you mamas that have done it longer or at all).  Winter was so long this year that our blues were lulled into a grey state.  It was hard for me not to get depressed.  Sickness did not want to leave!  Sleep is still not something us adults do around here yet......

BUT we are coming out of the fog and moving passed all of that.  The hard part of colic is over.  Spring is here!  We have runny noses but no serious colds this week (uh-mazing sauce).  Sleep is overrated (ok, it's not, but it sounded more positive!).  And my attitude, I'm still working on that.

I know sleep deprivation can heighten every issue and make mountains out of mole hills, but I also know that everything I experienced was real and valid.  The problem was with how I chose to go through it.  I literally was trying to just get by with existing and not "living" each and every moment with purpose.  And regardless if you're border-line depressed or not, we all can get caught up with going through the motions and not breathing each breath intentionally.  Once purpose and intention is taken out of our life, even day-to-day, mundane stuff, what's the point?

Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. ~ Matthew 6:33

There is not one thing in my [or your] life that God does not care about.  My simple ideas/plans to do with the boys, meal planning, losing weight, quick instagram/blog posts, heaps of laundry, or "sarah time", He sees it.  All.  And will "give us all we need" if we purpose and live our lives to know what He is cooking up and continually desiring to be a part of it.  I love the way The Message puts it:

If God gives attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?  What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.  People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both how he works.  Steep you life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. ~ Matthew 6:30-33

Steeping my life in His reality, His initiatives, His provisions ... the greatest direction (and picture) I have to meet my needs, to get through seasons like this.      

Because he bends down to listen, I will pray [seek & worship] as long as I have breath. ~ Psalm 116:2 


pic pix: summer blooms, Jul.2013, home
*my added emphasis and parenthesis to verses

colorfully said & read.

Part of my lineage is french, we live in a bi-lingual country ... naturally, I've always wanted to be able to fluently speak it.  I took basic french in my schooling years and would say, I could "get by" if I needed to, but would really like for my boys to know the language.  And what better time than now to learn it?  So we (Judah, Hunter, and myself) recently started a baby & me french class.  It's very basic but I feel the exposure to the language is a good start.

Some of the rhymes we're learning are lyrically humorous.  Some really fragmented and confusing.   Some are the same what I grew up with - which, I am realizing, were funny and a bit confusing at times too.  Like:

A tisket, a tasket, green and yellow basket ...
Sing a song of six pence, a pocket full of rye ...
... The little dog laughed to see such a sport and the dish ran away with the spoon

Like my grade school french (or mathematics for that matter), these types of things I committed to my memory and never really thought about or got into.  It's like I memorized it and never allowed myself to actually visual it.  Which is funny, as I am a visual learner (so, in this case, did I just remember it and not really learn it?).

When I've sung, "a tisket, a tasket, green and yellow basket..." I don't think once I've actually seen a green or yellow basket in my mind!  I've just always skipped to visualize a love letter being dropped.  *found this interesting way of playing the game ... never did it this way as a kid!  Or, I've never actually pictured a dog laughing at the "sport" of a cow jumping over a moon!

The fact that I've not actually let simple words I've memorized or repeatedly read absorb makes me wonder about more important information.  Like reading God's word.  How many times have I read/heard certain phrases or stories that I've stopped visualizing?  Or stopped knowing what I was reading or even saying?

"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." - Albert Einstein

It comes back to keeping it simple.  Reading/hearing things with a clear mind...with a clear heart.  If I want my heart to be impressed by good things, I can't hold onto garbage because there just isn't enough room for both.  If I want my mind to soak up the meaningful things, I can't let nonsense and "time-fillers" take real-estate.

I want to be sharp, vivid and expressive and have all that I fill my mind with to exude the same.  When sharing or teaching, I want to think clearly and concisely and be able relay information with meaning and color.  So that it sticks for the listener.  Instead of just skimming over words , I want their pictures and meanings to be alive and jump off the page to me.

"Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know 
your Creator and become like Him..."

~ Colossians 3:10

I'd say God [Creator] is pretty colorful, wouldn't you?

pic pix: tulips, 12.Mar.2014, at home

a love for every crook & cranny.

In less than 24 hours we will be on the plane, headed for Palm Springs!  I am a little on the nervous side, but more on the excited side to be travelling with two littles.  Keeping my fingers crossed Hunter will sleep the entire 3.5 hour flight!

Every time I go away, I think I will be way more organized than the last trip.  Pack my bags early, have everything "ready" at least two days before we leave, have the house in impeccable shape, etc.  Does this happen?  Ha.  No.  At this very moment, I am trying to get our basic laundry done, my house needs an up-n-down clean, I haven't pulled the boys clothes out yet ... and here I am, getting distracted with cleaning the front loader washing machine (because it needs to be spotless right now), reorganizing receipts on my desk, aligning my printer head, and brainstorming upcoming blog posts.  It's after midnight, I still have to shower ... !!!

Always, after the fact, I can chuckle at myself because I realize how unrealistic my goals were ... did I mention after the fact?!  If I'm going to enjoy every moment regardless of what stresses may be influencing me not to, I need to be intentional.  Intentional about being light "in this moment" instead of stressing my way through it.  Way too often, I cut the joy out of things by getting caught up with this jlibbery jlubbery stuff.  And in the end, I still, end up being stressed.

Not today ... I purpose each crack of good, stressful, bad, giggling, ugly, or beautiful moment will be filled with joy.  Easier said than done, so ask me tomorrow how it went!  

P.s. - I love this perspective, prompting a love for every little thing going on in our lives:

"The best birthday present is an empty box.  Smile, it contains all my love for you." - Jarod Kintz

pic pix: Judah laying under Hunter's mobile toy - finding joy everywhere, this guy, Jan.2014, at home

free and whole.

This is my view presently ... just kidding.  Wish it was!  Instead, I'm in bed.

I've been fighting a migraine the past two days and it is ugly this time around.  After seeing my naturopath today, I found out my body is also fighting another wicked virus.  "Again?" I ask myself.  Double ugh.

It's during bouts like these that you begin to realize how much to be thankful for.  Healthy children, healthy minds, healthy relationships ... our health period.  

The actual word "health", means: to be FREE from illness or injury, the root word meaning WHOLE.  When we can say we are healthy in body, we mean that our body is absolutely loosed from any bug or illness.  When we refer to healthy relationships or something not physically related, we are saying that we are free from yucky things like mental sickness or regret, shame, unforgiveness, grudges, etc. 

"The One that God sent speaks God’s words. And don’t think he rations out the Spirit in bits and pieces. The Father loves the Son extravagantly. He turned everything over to him so he could give it away—a lavish distribution of gifts. That is why whoever accepts and trusts the Son gets in on everything, life complete and forever!" John 3:34

Isn't it cool that God allows us to be free from messy stuff in our lives?  He has forgiven us completely and made us whole?  He allows us to be healthy.

This thought - helping me get through this day.

pic pix: the beautiful ocean, Apr.2013, Mexico

mornings like these.

Yesterday was the three month hump ... our sweet baby Hunter is now 3 months old!  (his 3 month post coming!)  I remember this point with Judah.  Things began to feel "right".  We started Judah on a eating/sleeping schedule closer to four months and even just with that, our lives began to have a sense of normalcy again.

Ironically (not!), this morning specifically had a feel of normal.

Judah was a bursting bubble of energy.  My laundry still sat unfolded in the family room.  Hunter napped off and on.  Judah's toys were strewn all over the place.  My dishes were piled up around the kitchen sink.  I stayed in my pyjama shirt (until my husband came home!).  My coffee was in my hand all morning, and never got drank because it got too cold.  We decided to have baths because it had felt like a while since the last one...

It was just normal, but it felt so good.  Almost like a light had turned on and I realized, "...this, is my normal."  Normal isn't perfect, nor is it stunning.  It's just right.


pic pix: our tower building this morning, 06.Feb.2014, in the living room

bitter...sweet.

Seriously, I am so in love.

These boys rule my life.  My energy, thoughts, emotions, and actions are all put into their very livelihoods, and I love it.  Every squeal, giggle, coo ... my heart does a dippity-doo!

It's hard to imagine that one day, these two little rascals will be strong men taking care of their mama and not vice versa.  I've asked my mom, "How do you go from kissing your kids' adorable cheeks incessantly every time you see them, to just casually saying hello when they walk in the door?".  Thankfully, she answered, "In stages."

Like everything within this parenting world, there have been God-placed stages so that each transition isn't so abrupt.  Having 9 months to process you will be having a baby before having him/her, going through the crawl-to-walk-then-run progression, breastfeeding-purees-solids-normal eating, etc.  There is a natural progression to things, and again, thankfully, we don't wake up one morning after skipping some steps!

Even though both of these cuties are still very young, I look back on some of the stages they've already went through and get sentimental about it.  For example, Judah used to fall asleep on me all the time.  Now, I'm lucky to get a few-minute cuddle because he's an energetic little man!  It's funny though.  I am sad about it, but happy all in the same breath.  It didn't make sense to me until I was talking to my mom about it (she's so smart!).

She related this "mix" of emotions to the example of her adult children moving out.  Her reactions were pure excitement that her child was forging a way, being independent, growing.  But when the day came for them to move, it was sad, hard, nostalgic, among other things.  Yet, that "sad" moment is only just that ...  a moment.  Whereas the excitement to see new paths being taken doesn't get old, it out weighs the bitter, and it comes so naturally - without even trying for it to be that way.

I'm realizing that the term "bitter-sweet" is said in that order so that the taste left in your mouth isn't bitter, but sweet.  That there will always be these "bitter-sweet" times in life.  But usually, the bitter parts will last for moments compared to the long lasting sweet from the result of situations.  My nostalgic, reminiscent thoughts are normal and ok to have, but almost guaranteed, I'll be more stoked than sad that my kids are learning and moving forward.

"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate.  

And when life is bitter say thank you and grow."

pic pix: my matching boys (shirts from Gigi), Jan.2014, on the living room couch

spend time with me.

WHAT WILL YOU DISCOVER?  LOOK DEEPER.  ONE ON ONE.

Have you ever felt like the very thing you are supposed to be doing (yet you're ignoring), seems to jump out at you, subtly or obviously, in every area of your life?  From the book I've been reading, my still small voice inside, words found in a magazine ... 

It's been pretty chaotic in my life lately.  I haven't invested time to learn and replenish from God's Word - one source of His voice speaking into my life.  I've felt, at moments, dull with out truth on the tip of my tongue.  I've been lacking.  Missing time spent with Father.

I finished up a book earlier today that highlighted how God's truth--current, recent and up to date in our day-to-day lives--can keep me clear of offence.  Then this evening, my small group leader encouraged us to look through different magazines and pick out "things" that were being spoken to me by God.  And what jumped out at me but:

Spend time with Me.

Lately, my heart and mind have been craving to learn and do just that, but I haven't made the time for it.  I've been distracted.  Until, the words started speaking to me,

What will you discover?  Look deeper (into who I am).  Spend some one-on-one time with Me.

When I opened up to hearing and spending that time with Him, this is what the magazine's images/words spoke to me about God, and His character...

TO THE MOON

FAIR

GLOBALLY YOURS

MAKER

GOOD

POWER

Taking those few minutes to "hear"/discover/etc from Him ... He more than just revealed how good He is to me.  He grabbed my attention and spoke to me and the very matters that have been weighing in my heart lately.

God is so cool.

pic pix: words found from a magazine, 29.Jan.2013, Calgary, AB

documenting.

when two brothers met. from Sarah Nadine Arsenault on Vimeo.

One of my goals this year is to get on my documenting game.  I love to take pictures, but don't get to the point where I follow through and 1) develop them or 2) have them organized to leisurely leaf through.  The boys are continually changing and I am continually forgetting little things that I don't want to!

So this year ... I plan on changing that.  And here are some of the lofty(!) goals I have:

. Make a family year book (using this company)
. Print more pictures
. Take more videos
. Write down conversations and moments I'm thankful for


How do you document your memories?

pic pix: the morning after Hunter was born when Judah got to meet him, 06.Nov.2013, Rockyview Hospital, Calgary

a redo.

redo: [v] riːˈdu - do (something) again or differently.

Tonight was supposed to be different.  I had plans with a friend that fell through and was feeling pretty bummed that I wasn't going to get out (friend, if you're reading this, please don't feel bad!).  My attitude about the evening was still crummy as my husband shooed me out the door so that I could have some "me" time...with Hunter.  "Whoop-de-doo, if you're by yourself with a baby, what do you do?!", I grumbled to myself.  Yea, I had a bad attitude, because there really is a ton to do if it's just you and one baby(!).

After I got in the vehicle, I felt I should call a friend to see if she was free.  That she was, and I went to pick her up.  Redo no.1.  We then decided to go to the thrift store.  Redo no.2, as that was what my girlfriend and I were going to do initially, before plans changed.  My night was proving to be a wonderful redo of what hadn't actually happened.  To top things off, we were out thrifting: the act of rummaging through a bunch of other people's stuff to buy and ultimately redo the item's life in your closet/home/etc.  The redo no.3 of the evening.  

Ironic, maybe.  But, the parallel of thrifting and my chance to have a redo tonight ... exactly what I needed to give me perspective.  

"There is nothing done or said that can't be forgiven..." - Matthew 12:31

Daily, I take the redos and do-overs of life for granted and do not put any special emphasis put them.  Being forgiven and given the chance to live my life freely and openly is honestly, the biggest redo in anyone's life, guaranteed.

If I could do over my evening and have a better attitude, I would.  But I can't.  So instead, I embrace the forgiveness and opportunity I had to have a redo ... and again thank God for His grace to allow me to live life differently with Him.

pic pix: thrifty finds from tonight, 16.Jan.2014, at home