capacity.

Do you get to a point where you have just had ENOUGH?  Where everything seems to come to a head at one time and that was the last straw/the bubbling over bit/the tipping point?  Oh, you never do?  Yea, neither do I...ha!  As everything in life goes through cycles, I feel like "patience" is one of those things I feel like I run a cycle with: very patient, somewhat patient, kind of patient, needing patience, what is patience? graced with patience, then I take a pause .... only to repeat.

Before we went on holidays, I was struggling with one of those last parts of the cycle - what is patience?  It seemed like there could be one thing, even the tiniest of problems or changes in plans out of place that would put me over the edge.  I felt like I was surrendering my issues to Jesus, but never felt like I had a reprieve from my hot-tempered emotions.  

Then I read this:

"It's impossible to give away something you don't have.  So to give God's love to others, I needed to receive it myself first."  Joyce Meyers, The Confident Mom 

Where was my love for my children and husband coming from?  Me.  How was I gauging what could or couldn't be done/changed?  From MY understanding and strength.

All from my capacity.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family like something fierce and there is not anything else I treasure so so so very much.  Yet, the most love, patience, peace, understanding, etc that I can give, can only go so far.  It has a ceiling.  A limit.  And here, the One I can turn to for an unlimited supply of love, understanding and patience is standing right here with me through life's challenges.  Offering to go beyond my capacity if I'd just receive it.

I realized then, that a lot of what was happening was because of my choice.  My choice to hold onto the "depths of my own love" not looking to receive love far beyond my own magnitude.

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

Knowing this, has allowed for incredible freedom as I love my little family.  As lately, I've faced some incredibly frustrating points, I am assured that even if I can't handle it, and my capacity does  have a maximum ... His doesn't.  And He wants to love me (and you) through everything.  All we have to do is ...

Receive it.

pic pix: a grainy shot of me and my Juju, August.2014, Sandpoint, ID

three years ago...

My life changed.

My name, my living arrangements, my family, my future...all got redesigned, transformed into what now is part of my everyday life.  The beautiful life I get to live with the guy of my absolute dreams.  What we share, laugh about, and experience, I wouldn't (and couldn't) do without him.  What I want to do, dream of, and be, I couldn't (and wouldn't) do without him.

Matthew James, I love these changes.  And more importantly, I love you.

Happy anniversary, m'love.  xo

pic pix: photo cred - gabe mcclintock

hunter elias.

So friends, as you probably have guessed (and anticipated!), my lengthy blogging break has been due to my son being born!  Alllow me to introduce you to our sweet baby boy, Hunter Elias.

He was born November 5, 2013 at 7:50pm.  Weighing in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces, he felt so tiny and fragile.  Though now ... he's got a little more meat on him!  Already, he is so different than Judah and I can't wait to learn and see his personality grow.  One thing I do know, is that these boys are going to be great friends.  I just know it.  He's got the type of personaliity that is very definite - he likes what he likes and that's it.  At this point, he seems much more cuddly than Judah and both his papa and I are absorbing as many cuddles as possible!  And, though you can't really see in these shots, right now he has two differend colored eyes!

Name meanings are important to me, so picking his name (and Judah's) felt a bit daunting, but I am absolutely in love and happy with his name.

Hunter: one who pursues, hunts

Elias: my God is the Lord

Little buddy, we're so happy you joined us out here!  We love you and anticipate only God's best and perfect will in your ife

pic pix: mini photoshoot, 25.Nov.2013

feeling sentimental.

Maybe it's because his first birthday is coming up, but for some reason I've been so sentimental when it comes to this sweet boy lately.

As said by the most biased mama around, he has got to be the sweetest little boy.  Lately, it seems we can't get enough hugs, kisses and cuddles from our little lion man.  I thought with him starting to walk that his independent side would kick in and he'd be happy with the freedom(!) away from mama & papa's arms.  But, it's like he knew that was what I was worrying about because he has done the opposite and has been all the more expressive.

I've been thinking about last year at this time so much lately (posts here and here).  My life literally changed/flipped upside-down and over again when he was born.  I felt like there was so little that I knew what to expect, but he put us at ease right away because he. just. fit.  And here he is, putting me at ease again.

I can't even begin to describe how blessed I feel with you in our lives, Judah West.  I thank God and praise Him for you daily.

pic pix: special moments with Juju [photos taken by m'love - i love the expressions he caught!], in our overgrown backyard(!), 01.Jun.2013

consuming His love.

The sovereign Lord is my strength!  
He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. 
Habakuk 3:19 NLT

There is no better way to start my Monday morning than with this very thought ... I am able to tread [walk along] the heights despite the weather I'm facing.  I am surefooted [unlikely to stumble or slip ... confident and competent] as I take each step.  All because the Lord is my strength.

For every weight, for every joy-filled moment, for every struggle, for every overwhelming thought, for every abundance of blessing: He is my strength.

In painful times, God is strengthening you.  
In peaceful times, He is restoring you.  
In all times, He is loving you. ~ source unknown

Join with me today as I revel and consume His strength, restoration, and fierce love.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!


pic pix: a view from the most amazing hike of my life (so far!), Mount Sparrowhawk, Spray Lakes AB, 10.Jul.2010

too fast

Almost 2 weeks ago, I managed to mangle my left pointer finger in an electric hand blender ... yea, not cool.  Fortunately, the closest medical clinic was down the hill and I was able to get in ASAP.  During the brief wait for the doctor and my overall prognosis, all I could think about was, "In one week this won't hurt even half this bad.  I know I'll look back at this moment and be so glad of where I am then..."

Fast forward to this passed Wednesday afternoon.  Judah was going down for a nap and as part of our little ritual I was holding him and singing to him.  Then it hit me that it had been over a week since my little incident, and here I was, remembering and feeling exactly what I thought.  Then another surge of a thought came to me as I looked at that precious boy in my arms ... "One day you will be a strong good man and I'll look back at this moment and wish I were here..."

Life is so fleeting.  So fast.  I'm-a gonna hold on to this little one and drink up all these delicious moments.

pic pix: Judah wearing Daddy's hat & playing, Oct.2012, our living room - Calgary, AB

random thoughts & things

After my breakfast (tried this french toast recipe today...yum!), a bit of cleaning up, a pleasant visit with my midwife, lunch with my beautiful friend, a long afternoon nap, grocery shopping with my sis, dinner with m'love, then the wind-down with laundry and a movie ... I now, FINALLY have time to share some written words of my string of recent/current thoughts and happenings!!  With baby's due date only 9 days away, I've been keeping myself busy busy and have been pretty quiet blogging because of it.  So, here's some of those "things" I've been busying myself with...
   

Baby of mine ...

There are limited pictures of me and this protruding belly ...  so I'm glad we took a few the other day for proof that I did actually get this big!  When I walk by a mirror, I am still in complete amazement that God actually worked out human life to happen/start this way.  It's pretty wild.  Pretty remarkable.

 

I've been on the prowl for some good book finds ... was able to pick up a few from the thrift store (along with many other treasures).  Now, if getting this baby to arrive were as easy as thrift store shopping!

Life's timing ...

Lately, I've been so thankful that there is a planned and perfect time for everything.  Had we found out we were pregnant one day then expecting the baby to arrive not even a month later ... there would've been (obviously!) no way I could have physically nor emotionally been prepared.  Being given 9 months to think about, wonder about, and begin to adjust to the preliminary grounds of becoming a parent seems hardly enough but yet, I feel like so much of me has changed and grown.  I'm ready to be mommy!   

Toy cars & cuties ...

Last Friday, I got to watch my 2 nephews and niece.  Them little smiles make my heart melt and their funny antics make my soul laugh!  And oh...they LOVE cars.

Nesting ...
I always thought it was funny, the term "nesting" - getting ready for the new baby bird to arrive.  I thought, "Really?  How much can there be to setting up your home for a newborn?".  Maybe my nesting has been different than most others (yup, I'm a nester!), but my focus hasn't so much been on baby prep stuff ... my focus has been cleaning out closets, drawers, junk, and other unnoticeable things (?).  It's all in prep for the baby, but seriously, how does my unorganized front hall closet have anything to do with baby's birth day around the corner?!?!  

Female brains, mothers' sacrifices ...

On Sunday, we celebrated my mother-in-law by way of a picnic at "our" park (we have a pretty sweet community park right across from our apartment building).  We made bbq beef on a bun(!) and had salads, strawberries, and a yummy dessert.  Food and good company is the best combination for a perfect picnic.  Next week (due to my family's schedules), we will be celebrating my mom!

Along with the mother's day theme, a friend of mine was talking about this sermon that was shared last Sunday.  The first 5 minutes (all that I've listened to so far) had some really interesting statistics about the female brain.  Those 5 minutes are worth a listen!


And ... that's all for now. xo



 pic pix: all in Calgary, AB this last week, May.2012

lovin' it

This morning I woke up to such a beautiful surprise .... the sun!!  It was 5:45am, and the rays were already warming our room with golden happiness.  I am NOT your by-the-book morning person, but I couldn't help myself from wanting to rise that early and enjoy it.  The last week or so has been rainy & gray in Calgary, which has brought us some lush green to look at.  But let me tell you, today was a joyous awakening!

Here are some other things that I'm just lovin' this morning ...

 

 My baby bump is barely allowing me to see my toes ... but, nonetheless, if I lean forward a bit,
I can still see that they are there. Just over 3 weeks to go!!

The seedlings are coming along quite nicely.  It is feeling like a mini green house in here!

Scored this soap & soap tin with a girlfriend yesterday at HomeSense.  Yellow always makes me happy.

I've been on the hunt for a used rocking chair since about week 8 of this pregnancy!  My original thought was to sand a used one down and paint it "fire engine red".  Up until a few weeks ago, I was still without my coveted chair until my mother-in-law mentioned this gem in her basement (!).  It is in such nice condition, I don't have the heart to paint it ... I just heart it as is! 

and, of course ... m'love  :)

pic pix: Calgary, AB, April-May.2012

rain brings...

"I like rain, actually."

Bill Rodgers

There's a constant trickle of water falling from the sky ... I almost don't want to sleep for the sole reason of enjoying the sound of it coming down!  The wetness can't dampen this girl's spirits.  For rain = green, green = freshness, freshness = new beauty. 

"Rain is grace...rain is the sky descending to the earth...without rain, there would be no life."

John Updike

pic pix: wildflowers in spring, Burnet, TX, May.2010
 

blessed

Parents are so special.

What I have been feeling lately, definitely stems to me being pregnant (miss emotional tornado over here!), but roots much deeper than just towards this "time".  Almost twenty-six years ago, my parents were anticipating a little one to make it's debut in the world.  Not knowing my gender, hair color, personality, potential...they were full of this unexplainable joy and a love for this baby that was already "theirs".

It's wild to now see and experience just a taste of how much more they care for me as I now sit on the other side of this parent-child spectrum.  Putting myself in their shoes, and thinking that baby was me, I am overwhelmed with this 'connection'/love/joy that they felt when they thought of me for the first time ... and how they look at me today.

I can't explain how thrilled I am to meet our baby or how much I am already in love him/her ... the only description that seems fitting is my own parent's love for me.

Today, I know I am so blessed.


 pic pix: when I was born, 19.June.1986, Calgary, AB

first comes love...then comes marriage! part 2

It's been one year, and 7 days since we got hitched!  Here are some more of our wedding pictures to reminisce from our so very special day...
 

 

 

What an amazing day...an incredible year...

pic pix: our wedding, 19.Feb.2011, all photos compliments of perspectiveye photography

s'more of the simplicity...

What a great long weekend camping in Kananaskis - Blue Rock Campground (can't believe that it's already "last weekend"!).  Away from it all...phones, internet, work, busyness.  How is it that not showering, sleeping on the ground, and making food over an open fire makes you never want to leave the mere simplicity of it?  It's when I break it down that I ask myself,"Why is it so appealing?!"

It comes down to getting back to the basics, the rawness, the foundation of who we are created to be.  Jesus even reminds us to:  

 

 Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.  

Matt 7:5-23-25

It seems way too easy, to just listen and follow ... to become strong and confident on solid ground.  Have you simply listened or obeyed today?  Today, do you abandon your complicated reasonings and seek to know Him and find His unvarnished strength and wisdom? 


Here are a few simple moments captured from this weekend:

pic pix: simple camping fun, Blue Rock Campground, Sheep River Provincial Park, AB Aug.2011